10/25/2008

How do you get a girlfriend?

That's a good question, and I bet there are several ways.

There are 2 ways to explain this. That is, there are 2 ways that people can explain this, and they generally are, a specific set of procedures, or more generic advice.

For specific procedures, it could go along the lines of "buy a rose and chocolate, then do this, followed by that."

The specific advice should work for getting a specific girlfriend, and not for a girlfriend in general.

And for the generic advice, consider that a girl is more likely to like someone if she knows you personally. And that often requires talking to her.

This is why it's more okay for a guy to approach a girl and talk to her if they've known each other for 10 years rather than 10 minutes.

The pre-requisite to having a girlfriend is friendship. And the pre-requisite to friendship often requires talking.

But consider this - do you think friendship is something that should happen naturally? Or do you think friendship is something that should happen simply because 1 person wanted it that way?

Suppose there was this guy, that only approached the hot girls. He would approach the sexy ones, and not the ugly looking ones, and randomly talk to them, to build a gradual relationship (or try to). He could sometimes take up their time just to talk to them, just for the sake of talking. And because of this, it's not like everything he says is relevant to say, because he may have to make things up, and come up with starter conversations and or tag lines to keep the conversation going.

If an old lady asked him for help or directions, he would answer in as fewest words as possible, but if a hot girl asked him something, he would answer as most words as possible.

Now, I'm not going to ask you whether you think what this bigot does is okay or not, but it certainly would be helpful to know what society in general thinks about this, or the particular, individual girl.

Of course, a common tactic that men observe when they randomly talk to females is their actions, such as whether or not they seem interested in talking to them, or whether they have good eye contact or not, and whether they seem annoyed or not, or whether they are smiling, etc.

So if they found a girl did not seem interested, they may no longer randomly talk to her if they saw her again. But they will to another female if she expressed some sort of interest.

All of the above could make the female ponder - does he like me because I'm good looking? Or because of something else. Or is it simply because I'm showing cleavage?

Naturally, the most important element in friendship is the ability to be useful. This is why it's easier *to* *want* *to* make friends with people with authority or is rich than with the homeless. This is where the role in talking comes to play.

And now for the ugly secret - getting a girlfriend requires talent, and not everyone has that kind of talent. So if you don't know how to get a girlfriend, then no advice will work because getting a friend requires natural talent, not artificial talent.

And here's a hint: girlfriends should like guys for whom they are, not what they could be.

Therefore, the outside the box realization is that if you have to have a change of personality to get a girl, that is, a "fake" personality, then wonderful. You will just have to permanently stay that way (or hope she accepts you for what you were).

There's always the idea (or hope), that if someone knows someone more personally, that they could tolerate them more. So maybe it's really creepy for a girl to know that a guy she doesn't know watches porn. And maybe less creepy if she knew him more personally, then finds out he watches porn. And so and so forth.

It's actually a common misconception that confidence is a required element when talking or associating with girls. You see, confidence is only needed when you don't have anything to say, don't have anything relevant to say, and or don't know what to say.

And that's because - there's a fine line between being shy, and simply not having anything to say.

Suppose an 11 year-old boy was talking with a 17 year-old girl, and she showed cleavage. And let's just say he was shy. If she asks him a question like, "What's 2 + 2?" He could answer it instantly. How could it matter whether he was shy or not? But suppose she asked him "Well what do you want to talk about?" Then in this case, he could be perceived as shy, because that question is not the same as asking someone what's 2 + 2.

This is why there's a fine line between being shy, and simply not having anything, or anything relevant, to say. If it isn't relevant, then whatever you say will be brought up as useless.

Unfortunately, most of unwanted conversations revolve around starter conversations and useless random stuff just for the sake of keep the conversation going.

If you're going to go up to a girl and talk to her just for the sake of talking, tell her that, so she knows what your objective is. Else you would just be perceived as a fake. I mean, why make it so that she has to try to figure you out about why you're talking to her and such?

An example of an honest question is "Can I get to know you more?" Your goal is to not have a fake personality.

So what I would do is go up a girl, and ask her "Can I ask you another question?" And if she says yes, then bam, ask her the question. If she says no, then I sod off (usually after saying, k).

The outside the box realization, is, like sex, talking requires consent. And since flirting is a form of talking, flirting, also, requires consent.

How this is measured is how long the conversation takes place and how relevant the conversation is. For example, taking up a girl for 10 minutes (where she goes uh huh, uh huh, yea, yes) most certainly requires a lot of consent, whereas a quick 30-second conversation requires almost none.

There's always the fact that girls will say yes or allow a guy to talk to her for the courtesy of being nice, regardless of whether she is annoyed or not, and guys should definitely take that into consideration and find out whether that is true or not. I mean, a lot of times I see annoying guys like the homeless talking to females in public places (such as the bus or train) and that females may express disinterest in conversation but still respond to his questions just for the sake of being nice. Also that it would seem rude to ignore them.

The hardest part about talking to someone just for the sake of talking, without knowing them, is coming up with something relevant to say. And of course, if females don't give him the signal of disinterest, he may continuosly come randomly talking to her. And then, the more a guy talks to a girl or the more the guy knows the girl, the more acceptable he will feel to randomly go and talk to her again!

So in other words, there's always the assumption that the more someone knows someone personally, the more acceptable they find it is okay to randomly talk to them!

So if girls really aren't interested in having irrelevant random discussions with a guy for around the 10th time, she will eventually have to let him know he's annoying her...

The classic example is a girl out on the beach in a hot sunny day, sun tanning, and a fully-clothed guy goes up to her and randomly talks to her for the sake of talking..

So now for the rules.

     1.If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything.
     1.If you don't have anything relevant to say, don't say anything.
     2.If someone asks you a question, answer it.
     2.Do not give answers to questions that have not been asked.

All of the above are certainly for the absence of consent.

And from the above 2, that would (and should) automatically lead to.

Therefore.

     3.Everything you say is your point.

And lastly, keep this in mind:

The most important thing about a relationship with a girl isn't how much she likes you, it's how much she doesn't dislike you. There's no difference between a girl not being able to prove she likes you and not being able to disprove she doesn't dislike you.

The most important thing about knowing if a girl likes you isn't if she acts like she likes you, but if she does like you. This is how it is in principle. As there is no objective way of knowing whether or not someone likes you (that is, we can not mind-read), what will matter to people is how she acts on the outside. There's no difference between not being able to be proven she likes you and she not being able to prove she does like you.

It's hard to like someone that has nothing useful to say most of the time.

11/16/2008.

Some things to keep in mind:

There's a difference between a bunch of conversations between a guy and a girl that came about because each time, the guy started it, and a bunch of conversations where half the time, the guy started it, and the other half, the girl started it.

Suppose it was shown that a guy and a girl had few conversations in their entire life. That's fine. Then suppose it was shown that the guy and a girl had a lot of conversations in their life. That's even better. But suppose it was shown that each time they had a conversation, it resulted because the guy started it. Then that's worse.

That's worse because that increases the possibility of unwanted conversations. Unwanted conversations, after all, are worse than non-conversations. Never having a conversation with a girl is better than having unwanted conversations with girls (that is, a girl can't dislike someone if she never met or heard of him). (And an unwanted conversation is already evidence of not liking someone.)

Forcing to know a girl personally: and why it fails.

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Should a guy ever tell a girl he likes her if he does?

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Can this article be used the other way around?

That is, replace the word 'boy' with 'girl' and versa vice.

To be added.

Lastly, I'd like to 2ndly end this page with quotes.

"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her."
Oscar Wilde.

"Every little girl knows about love. It is only her capacity to suffer because of it that increases."
Francoise Sagan.

"Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds."
Hugh Elliott, Standing Room Only weblog, February 16, 2004.

"A woman can forgive a man for the harm he does her...but she can never forgive him for the sacrifices he makes on her account."
W. Somerset Maugham, The Moon and Sixpence.

"There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters."
Alice Thomas Ellis.

"A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home."
Rodney Dangerfield.

Then, by January 5, 2010, I came up with my own quote.